Drained, empty, nothing left.

Running on fumes hoping it’ll catch a spark and initiate a chain reaction, catalyzing some reaction, or forming a structure.

I need one.

Badly.

No separation between work and life outside, it all leads back to work.

And I feel so unmotivated because praise rarely works unless it’s rational.

I turn praise in my mind into a taken for granted thing. Of course I should know this, and you’re only pointing it out by praising me. Criticisms stings, especially unearned. How can you expect me to know all of this three days into it all?

No.

I don’t want to be tested. I want to be recognized, I want to gradually attain mastery over it. Not just be pushed off, and either sinking or swimming.

I’ll just drown. On purpose.

But I will go on. I have no choice but to do so.